Calvin's Dad
/I love the comic strip “Calvin and Hobbs”! It was one of my favorite strips to read and we even bought the books when they came out!
I saw this strip today on Facebook, and the resulting comment thread moved me to write this post.
Here’s the strip:
In the comments below, one person wrote, “I would've taken a paddling over the yelling. If there was one thing that traumatized me as a kid, it was the yelling.” A lot of folks agreed with this writer and told their own stories about “the look” or “the voice” and you knew you were in trouble. One person said, “as a kid who got both, I gotta disagree.”
And, there IS a third way that is neither yelling or hitting or the silent treatment!
Here’s what I wrote:
My heart breaks for all the folks who experienced this...who say they'd prefer a spanking to the yelling or the silent treatment. I'm so sorry!!!
There is, in fact, a third approach that builds rather than frays connection between parent and kid. Because neither yelling nor paddling can bring back the binoculars anyway, but if a kid could learn from the experience, wouldn't that be better?
A parent could still express their unhappiness AND could validate their kid's feelings, too. Nobody feels good when they break someone else's property, so rubbing it in cannot help anything.
A parent can also give the kid an opportunity to help make it right, which allows a kid to feel better about themselves and the whole situation. Their self-talk could be "I made a horrible mistake, but I made it right!"
And maybe parents could not set a kid up for failure by helping them learn to use the binoculars without breaking them (instead of just saying, "Be careful," which is vague and doesn't help a kid learn HOW to be careful) and getting a cheapo pair that the kid can play with.
Yelling and berating does nothing but drive a wedge into the relationship. And I don't know the young kid who could articulate the dressing down Calvin's dad deserved here. So, without the kid being able to defend themself, the parent will feel justified in hollering and demeaning the kid, the kid will feel resentment toward the parent, and the binoculars will still be broken.
What are your thoughts about this? Use the comment section below or use the contact page to send me a message. I’d love to hear them!
