The Beautiful Truth About Lying
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I wrote this little piece about kids and lying, and I'm sharing it here in case it could be helpful to you, too.
“It’s good to understand WHY kids lie. Of course, they’re not going to be able to tell you, but when you understand what may be behind the lying, it can alter your response to it, and that can make all the difference in the world!
I know that this might sound nuts to some folks, but one reason that kids lie is... are you ready? They are trying to balance a very tricky situation between honoring their desires and quest for autonomy and their natural desire for unconditional acceptance from you and to keep connection...to keep you in your joy.
Children resist what they see as arbitrary boundaries and limitations. In fact, they *believe* in unfettered abundance (which is a beautiful way to see the world...and a belief we would do well to remember, because we all believed in that at one point, too!).
You want them to do what you want them to do, and they *want* to do what they want to do. To keep YOU happy and to honor their own desires (and doing that is in OUR NATURE TO DO...we all want to do what we want to do), they will tell you what they think you need to hear in order to strike that balance. *Something’s* gotta give, and if it is a matter of telling the story the way they think you want to hear it, how perfect! It’s actually a very kind approach to a thorny problem, when you think about it. Even though we parents receive that as lying, they’re really trying to maintain CONNECTION WITH YOU *and* keep the world the beautiful place it is for them.
Unfortunately, when their clumsy attempt is revealed, it doesn’t work out so well. Kids may get pegged as liars when they are really just trying to maintain the connection.
So, when your child lies to you, you can take it as a sign that they need more unconditional acceptance from you...that their love tank may be getting a bit low. You can ask yourself, “Can I allow myself to accept this child unconditionally? What would that look like? Why does he or she not trust me with their truth? What can I do to make myself more trustworthy to my child?”
This is your work to do, and I think this is a start to healing that broken place that exists between the two of you so that you and your child can trust each other.
I hope this is helpful... I know it’s a little out there, but seeing lying this way can really alter the path you are both on!!!”