Turn it Around ... using this excellent tool!

When you’re feeling really unhappy or annoyed or frustrated with your child’s behavior, you may think that those feelings are caused by your child’s behavior. And, that’s a reasonable thing to think, actually. 

But, in fact, your FEELINGS are all about the story you believe in your head.  And, your story feels good or not so good depending on the words you use to tell that story. 

So, if your child won’t do something you ask him to do, your inner story may sound a little something like this:  “He's always SO DEFIANT! It infuriates me!”  

When you tell yourself that story, it stands to reason that you would feel angry and hopelessly frustrated, and you would struggle to find a way to get him to stop being so damn defiant!

And, not only would you feel bad in that moment, but you would also feel resistance. And, even if you don’t say a word to your child...even if you think your outer demeanor is calm and you’re holding it together, your perceptive, tuned-in child is definitely picking up on that vibe from you. He feels the resistance and he naturally resists your resistance with his own resistance. 

What if you could tell a different story? What if you could change one word in your narrative? How would you feel if you believed that the same behavior wasn’t defiant but was courageous because your child has and is loyal to his strong beliefs?

If you believe your child to be courageous and willing to act out of his own convictions, that has to feel different, right?

You’d want to work with a person like that and support him to find a way to be successful that doesn’t negatively impact others. You’d probably want to work with him, not against him. You’d probably want to find a way to get what you need to get done, done—AND bolster your child’s courage to follow his own strong convictions, right?

And, because you’d FEEL better, your child would feel and respond to that vibe, completely bypassing resistance.

Here is a very helpful tool for positively reframing those words (like “manipulative” to “gets one’s needs met” and “conceited” to “confident/values self”) that often drive a wedge between parents and their kids.

I hope it's helpful to you!  If you have any questions or want to discuss it, let me know.

To learn more about making peaceful parenting choices, you could get in on one of the Making the Switch to Peaceful Parenting teleclasses that are being often offered. It doesn't matter where you live.  Visit the Upcoming Events page to find a class that starting soon at a time that works for your schedule.

And, if you have a question you'd like to ask the Peaceful Parent Whisperer, click on this link to go to the Ask a Question Form. 

I hope you find this tool and this post to be helpful to you!  And, if you'd like to, please feel free to share it with anyone...your friends, your parenting partner, your parents, your sibs...anyone!

Be well, and be kind!

Marji